I wish I only lived at night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
