I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
