Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
