Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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