My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
