I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
