I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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