u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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