did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
