Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
