A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
