The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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