i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
