I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
