whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
