Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
