Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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