I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
