You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
