PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize