we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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