He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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