Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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