Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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