Non-Jews are for practice
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
