textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
