what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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