Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
