he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
