Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Randomize
