what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
