my being single is dangerous.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
