sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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