hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
