Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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