her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
