I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
soo... how was my night?
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