Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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