benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
