Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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