I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
