Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
