I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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