census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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