I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
