trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
