In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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