You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize