we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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