I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
