yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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