Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
