the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
