shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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