So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My ATM looks so different sober.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
