He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
