My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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