Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize