He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
