I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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