I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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