Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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