I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
