what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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