I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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