Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
