I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
