1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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