he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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