Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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