Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
