Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
