I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
