I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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