you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
