I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are we still banned from the library?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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