youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize