Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
