i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize