He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
