If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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