I CAN MOONWALK!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
