i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
