soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
