I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
