I should be sponsored by Trojan
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
