I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
