we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
