I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
