I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
