I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
