Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So squirting runs in the family.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize