TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We are all done wearing pants today
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
