if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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