And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
