ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
