coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
operation have a gay friend backfired
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
