It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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