i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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