just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
