Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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