all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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