You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
