I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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