Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
