you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
