no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize