I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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