she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
